8-30-01

I'm feeling downright crappy. A cold that's sapped my joie de vivre, my will to live. I crawl prostrate through a desert of pain, upturned fingers clutching at the lily-livered dawn. Ahahah. That sounds funny. I'm just here to amuse myself folks.

Today, I'm going to talk a about Christ. Because it amuses me to do so. This is my world, worm. Ahahah. Sorry, just having a little fun, don't get so sore. Anyway, let's start with the basics: a fun little list to which anyone can contribute. I'm sure you've all heard: "Christ on a Crutch!" It's fun to use in your everyday conversation! Try this one: "Christ on a Crutch, Phil, when are you going to grow up?" or the ever popular, "Christ on a Stick, my job sucks."

I recommend having fun with your own list, but here's a start:
Christ on a Horse, why are you so slow?! (or) Christ on a Hobby Horse, won't this stupid ride ever start?!?!
Christ in a Hamper, I'm tired!
Christ in a Body Bag, my hair looks like ass.
Christ on a Ritz, this shit bites my left nad!
Christ in Kabuki Makeup, this is bullshit!
Christ in Dungarees, get off your high horse.
Christ at the Cleaners, how did I get this stain on my new pants?
Christ on Rye with Mayo, I am starving!
Christ on Toast! Christ on Mars!
Christ in a Lunchbox!

Ah, that brings a tear to this sappy eye.

I read a really cool graphic novel today that I highly recommend. It's called 2024 by Ted Rall, published by NBM books, and it's based on the book 1984 by George Orwell, but it's an updated Gen X version for the new millennium. There are many weird parallels between my book Death by Zamboni and 2024. However, 2024 is much more serious in tone. It's like Death by Zamboni's evil twin.

Here's a quote by Ted Rall from the introduction to 2024, and I'm taking it without permission but only for the purpose of trying to get you to go out & buy the book. It sounds exactly like something I would say.

"The President isn't Big Brother…There's hardly any difference between the political parties anymore. Presidents and politicians take their orders from the executives of immensely powerful corporations. But we give those men that power over us. Of course, most ordinary people are against key aspects of the corporate agenda…most people are against pollution. They worry about global warming. They don't want unfettered free trade to export good jobs to Indonesia. They want rules that force business to treat employees with dignity and pay them decently. Only corporations are against those things, because they reduce profits.

"Even in our deeply-flawed electoral democracy, people have millions of votes while corporations get none. But the corporations get their way anyway. Everyone is so busy working long hours at multiple jobs so that they can afford to buy more things that advertising convinces them to want that they can't summon up the energy to write their congressman, much less lead a revolt. Good economic times only make it easier for us to distract ourselves by buying things and immersing ourselves in information overload. We don't have to do it, but we can't help ourselves.

"Orwell thought that some evil totalitarian government would oppress us, but our worst enemy is really our own stupidity."

Sweet. Now go be a good consumer and buy this book.