| 8-28-01 Today, I stayed home from work because I hurt my back again last night moving heavy boxes full of other even heavier boxes. So I had plenty of time to ponder universal truths. The best I could come up with was this list of books that I will never write. Here then, for your pleasure, are some books that I am committed to never writing: Goddamn, I'm Wealthy The Underground Wonderpenis A Little to the Left, Okay, Now a Little to the Right Born to Crush Peppercorns Right in the Groin Little Baby Woogms and the Churning Blades of Death What I Ate and Where It Eventually Went I Left My Heart in San Francisco and My Balls in Oklahoma You Know, You're a Real Jagoff, Gramps Hot Karl & Dirty Sanchez: The Early Years The other day I finished reading the latest issue of Adbusters (No. 37). As usual, I found it compelling and depressing. Check it out, especially if you are a designer. I think that I actually have the concept for my next book. I can't give it away right here, but if anyone out there knows of someone who has made a pop-up book, could you email me? This idea is pure genius, but I don't know how one goes about producing a pop-up book. Fred, the Gargoyle continued. Fred effortlessly holds the terrified Dr. Odo to the floor. Odo is struggling furiously, attempting to push himself out from under, but Fred simply allows him to exhaust himself until the doctor lies limp and exhausted. Fred speaks. His voice is transparent until it reaches Dr. Odo's ear where it opens like a flower. Pick up your eyeglasses and call up your link. Do not call security. I will crush you before they arrive. You will look up SC1023.45. It is an application of your prime consciousoftware program. It was encoded into two nanotech androids, one is a Triceratops-human crossbreed. I need the owner. Fred released Odo whose fear was quickly turning to curiosity. "I recognize you now. You were restricted from independent behavior, this should not be possible." My code was hacked. Retrieve your glasses and begin the search. "Fascinating," said Odo while retrieving the glasses. He triggers a data search and quickly finds the results. "One of the two androids was coded as a private security android for the son of the CEO of Gentech. Ah, I see. That is you. You are looking for the female imprinting of your code. Here is the result: It was imprinted on a Triceratops-human also engineered by Gentech. She was received in 2105 by Knight Associates, a mining concern that intended to use her as security for a mining excavation to Saturn. Let me see…They began the excavation, but the nanotech breakthrough in 2115 made their work pointless, and they went under. You plan on finding her? Why?" But the gargoyle was already gone. |
previous || entry index || next