12-3-01

I was dating a woman at the time who had had a very difficult childhood. Two alcoholic parents, the father violent, the mother barely coherent. She had been sexually assaulted several times and once when she had told her parents they hadn't believed her. She decided that she was going to write Abraham a letter and tell him a little about her own background. Perhaps Abraham would open up to her about stuff he didn't want to discuss with me.

After some time passed, Abraham sent a long letter with a copy of a zine he wrote, a zine of poetry. He sent an exact copy of this letter to me, to the woman I was dating, to my father, and to my mother. Each copy mailed in a separate envelope. I still have this letter around here somewhere, but I don't feel like digging through tons of boxes in the closet to find it. Essentially the letter said the following:

Murray Katzman is a monster. He molested me hundreds of times when I was a child. I don't know if he molested David, too, but if he did then David may also be a danger to any future children he has. I'm warning you of this so that I can be done with you. I have fulfilled my duty to warn you. You wanted to destroy me, but I am free of you. I am happy, even though you never wanted me to be. I am now an internationally published poet. So, fuck you. I don't want anything more to do with you.

That pretty much sums it up.

I read the zine which was all very gay poetry. What do I mean by gay poetry? Well, it was all about being gay, gay sex, and other gay sex. Pretty much, as I recall it. For example, one of the poems - a sort of prose like poem - went something like this:

Joe went into the movie theater. He sat down in the seat. He looked up at the screen. On the screen were men fucking. Joe watched the men fucking. Joe jerked off until he came on the floor. Joe watched other men jerk off. Then he watched the men fucking some more.

That kind of stuff. Overall, the poems sounded very angry and very miserable. It sure wasn't beautiful or loving sex that he was talking about. Although Abraham claimed to be happy, he didn't sound it from the poetry. And another thing, what kind of self-inflated poser calls himself an "internationally published author" because they published their own zine and probably got some bookstore in England to carry it. Hell, Death by Zamboni is carried by some art gallery in Australia, and a bookstore in Paris bought a couple copies of it, too, but that doesn't make me "an internationally published author."

Well, most importantly, my parents were devastated. They were really torn up. Abraham very successfully hurt them, and I suppose that is what he wanted to do. The same day I received this letter, I, somewhat freaking out, called UPenn and tracked down his therapist. I told her all about this letter he sent us, and how our parents were devastated. Client-therapist discussions are supposed to be completely confidential, but this therapist apparently decided to tell me a few things. She seemed to feel really bad for us, and she also was perhaps afraid of being sued or accused of inducing "found memories." I assume you've heard something about these "found memories" that are sometimes brought up through hypnosis or other methods and are often related to sexual abuse or Satanism? The psychologist claimed that she never tried to induce memories from Abraham during therapy, but that he always brought them to therapy to discuss. She did believe that Abraham truly believed they were true. However, no matter how much they discussed them, she was never able to determine to her own satisfaction whether these memories were actually true or not. She said that Abraham had been having some extreme identity problems. Identity as in "who am I," or "what is I?" He was even dealing with bulimia which is very rare in men, and mainly afflicts a small number of gay men. We discussed also the fact that once he came out, he changed his major to Gay and Lesbian Studies. As if he was trying to define himself rather than just accept himself. And how he was toying with become involved with Judiasm. And he was doing cross-dressing shows, too. It was like Abraham was staking out the most extreme minority status he could come up with to both explain and define himself in a "special" way. He was a "molested, Jewish, gay transvestite."

I also spoke to my own therapist, showing him all the material from Abraham. He said Abraham was dealing with a lot of repressed rage, and that he was acting in ways that are very atypical for people who are abused. That doesn't mean it's not true. However, most people who are molested will either confront the person who did it directly. Or they will attempt to convince the rest of the family that it is true. Very rarely do they ostracize everyone in the whole family. Apparently, there is a lot more going on with Abraham. He wants to separate himself from the family for other reasons. Or else why reject both me, my mother, and all our other relatives? Evidently, he wanted nothing to do with any of us. And perhaps he didn't want to be questioned about the details of these supposed molestations either. He may very well believe them, but he certainly isn't interested in proving them.

He never responded to any further letters. I even wrote him a year later just saying, hello, how are you. No response. A few years ago, my uncle & aunt found him. More tomorrow.