10-23-01

The soundtrack for this entry is the brilliant Nicola Conte - bossa per due cd. I'm enjoying simultaneously Windows Media Player playing hallucinatory fractal patterns. This cd is way to happy for my mood, but I love it.

I've been feeling very depressed today, and I don't know why.

Finding Truth

I let the surface go.
Siddhartha.
That one word says everything I could possibly say in a long poem
because it -
if you know the story -
encapsulates an entire immanence
a philosophy, the great meaning
Truth.
And a poem should represent a place of Truth.
The capital T hurts.
I'm not saying it's accurate.
But maybe it is
(why does this feel like a poem?)
Now that's an even bigger story.
What if that Truth
is the myth of all the myths which is Truth?
If only I could have that courage.
To believe anything is the Truth.
Or worse, that what I believe deep down
Is
the Truth,
and yet
I don't live by it.
So, is this existential dilemma the cause of my depression today
or is it just the fact that I live a hypocrite.

Here's something that really pisses me off. The US is teaming up with dictatorships to fight terrorism. We won't be stopping the war on Chechnya. or the oppression of Tibet. By analogy, Russia and China are both terrorist governments. And Israel. And Pakistan. All these countries…well, you get the picture. Murder is murder, right? But these are OUR terrorists so screw those other guys. There's always an other.

Always an other.