| 10-10-01
Hello, my dolly, hello my baby, hello my ragtime gal. Hello my sugar, hello my poopchute, hello my canker sore. I'm talkin' to you, baby. Today, I've got a lot of advice. Yep, an advice column. Here we go. Look inward - are there new ways to flaunt your regularity? Perhaps install a chess timer in the bathroom, right next to the toilet. Consider sealing your feces in airtight plastic containers and labeling them by weight. Challenge yourself to push the limits. Be a new you. Turn that frown upside-down. Why not become a cowboy? The kind who doesn't really have a job but wanders around getting into gunfights with bad guys. Why not grow cumin? Cumin' to America. Can you count every single cloud in the sky? Whoop-dee-fucking-doo. Get a job, loser. Hey, don't get testy on me. Ow. That wasn't very nice, I need that eye. Okay, here's a good one. I predict you will now dedicate your life to helping the homeless. The homeless birds. You'll collect all the homeless birds in your town and put them under your bed. Now get to it. |
previous || entry index || next